problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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