I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
