Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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