I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
