I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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