what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
