ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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