he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
