I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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