It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
