Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
