Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
