It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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