Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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