Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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