I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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