I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
