He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
