Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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