and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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