I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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