I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
