i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are the jesus of drinking
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
