party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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