Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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