I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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