I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
