Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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