when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
