Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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