I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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