garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
