I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
