She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
