Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
