I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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