I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
