You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
