I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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