p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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