I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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