I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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