I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
