I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
