so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
