Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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