I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
