I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
