I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
