the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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