Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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