So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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