My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i dont even know how to be here
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
